General Questions (Don't Ask)
Q: What does "Ask Elyse" mean?
A: It means don't. The entire brand is built on the concept of not doing the thing the name suggests. If the name were "Don't Ask Elyse," people might actually ask. Reverse psychology is the foundation of this enterprise.
Q: Can I actually ask Elyse something?
A: Don't. But if you absolutely must, Elyse is an active member of the Arkime community. You can find her contributing to open source projects, improving UIs, and occasionally telling people not to do things.
Q: Why does the website keep telling me "Don't"?
A: Because you keep doing things. If you stopped doing things, the website would stop telling you not to. But you won't stop. You're still reading this. Don't.
Q: Is this a real website?
A: Define "real." It exists on the internet. You're looking at it. It has HTML and CSS and everything. By most definitions, yes. By philosophical definitions, nothing is real and we're all just packets on the network of existence. Elyse would know — she captures packets for a living.
Technical Questions (Definitely Don't Ask)
Q: What is Arkime?
A: Arkime is an open source, large-scale, full packet capture, indexing, and database system. It's used for network security monitoring, incident response, and threat hunting. Elyse works on making it beautiful and usable, which is like being the interior decorator of a nuclear submarine — technically unnecessary, but everyone's happier because of it.
Q: What does "full packet capture" mean?
A: Imagine if you could record every single conversation happening on a phone network, then search through them later to find the one where someone said something suspicious. That's full packet capture, but for computer networks. Every packet — every tiny piece of data traveling across the network — gets saved and indexed. It's incredibly powerful for security teams. Don't think about it too hard.
Q: Why is UI/UX important for security tools?
A: Because if a security analyst can't figure out how to use the tool, the tool is useless no matter how powerful it is. Imagine having the world's best security camera system but the remote control has 400 unlabeled buttons. That's what security tools without good UX are like. Elyse fixes this. Don't thank her.
Q: Can Elyse see my network traffic?
A: No. Arkime is a tool that you deploy on your network to monitor your traffic. Elyse helps build the tool. She can't see your traffic. She probably doesn't want to. Your browsing history is your own burden to bear.
Sponsorship Questions (Don't Even Think About It)
Q: Should I sponsor Elyse?
A: Don't. Your money would only go toward developing new features, improving the user experience of security tools, fixing bugs, and strengthening the open source security community. Why would you want any of that?
Q: What happens if I sponsor anyway?
A: You'll directly contribute to Arkime's development and help ensure the continued growth of open source network security tools. You'll also have the satisfaction of knowing you defied a website that told you not to. Living dangerously.
Q: Is there a way to support Elyse without money?
A: Don't contribute to Arkime on GitHub. Don't file bug reports. Don't improve documentation. Don't spread the word about open source security tools. Definitely don't star the repository. Don't do any of these free and helpful things.
Existential Questions (Please Don't)
Q: If the website says "Don't," and I don't, am I following instructions or being controlled?
A: You've reached the philosophical section of the FAQ. Elyse did not prepare for this. The answer is: yes. Also no. Also don't think about it. You're already thinking about it. Don't.
Q: How do I stop reading this page?
A: Close the tab. Navigate away. Turn off your computer. Go outside. Touch grass. But you won't. You'll keep reading. You'll click another page. You might even sponsor Elyse. You absolute rebel.